Parenting is hard. Navigating middle school with a hormone enraged tween is exhausting. Watching that tween struggle to find her footing is heart-breaking. Being gut wrenching honest here…I have been dreading middle school. I knew what was coming and I hate seeing my confident child morph into an insecure, weeping mess. Couple that with the insecurity she feels in her role at home, as being the only child, to now navigating through life with less attention and battling a little brother that cannot express his frustration in an always positive way means that we usually have tears at some point each and every day. As parents, we do not always respond the right way. There are days that I want to just look across the table at her, as she is pouting over the injustice that is her life and I want to say, “Baby girl, I’m gonna need you to suck it up and move on.” And there are times that I do just that. There are the times she storms through the house, slamming a door and shouting from the other side demands from the two of us, while I continue sitting at the dinner table, rolling my eyes and silently begging my husband to deal with today’s drama. There are the times I have had enough of being her emotional punching bag and yell back that I am tired too and she needs to get over it. My husband, being male, does not always understand that the tears are not just linked to what is happening in that moment but stretches back to the moment earlier in the day when she was late to class because she got her schedule mixed up (being Type A, this is the same as failing a test and having it blasted over the loud speaker at school). There are her ears being assaulted daily by curse words she is not used to hearing out of peers mouths. There are the issues of finding the right place to sit at lunch where she will not be ridiculed but accepted. There is navigating the exploratory classes and finding the right place that fits her personality and drive. There is dealing with boys that find her attractive but instead of treating her with respect, tease and humiliate her in front of her peers. Seriously, why do they think is the way to winning a girl’s attention?!
I just wanna wrap her up in bubble wrap, lock the door and protect her from all that is messed up in the middle school across the street. BUT the reality is, this is what we have spent the last 11 years preparing her for. We prayed over her each night and day, we taught her where her value lies, we taught her where her hope is found, we prepared her with truth to combat the lies she will hear each day and we taught her how to own her faith in a dark place. And each night we sit at the dinner table, walk through her day with her, comforting her, reminding her of truth, answering her questions and sometimes apologizing for not being sensitive to her needs, and speaking to her anger. Usually Brian reminds her that middle school boys are just stupid and will be this way until at least high school. LOL This is exhausting and it would be easy to just let her learn to deal with life on her own but it is our job as her parents, to help her weed out the lies and truth in each of her days.
One of the first things Anna Beth told me when she came home from orientation at her school was, “Momma, we are going to be studying all of the religions of the world and evolution this year, oh and I have health class too.” My heart sank…I knew it was coming. I knew she was going to face this at some point but my heart screamed in that moment, “Have we given her enough to face this and see the truth?” I just looked her in the eyes and said, “Baby girl, you are going to hear a whole lot of lies this year with just a sprinkling of truth. If you are ever unsure of what the truth is, Daddy and I are here to answer your questions and if we don’t know, we will research it together.” This is all I can do, I can hold her with open hands, trusting that God will protect her heart. God wants her where she is and there is a purpose in this testing of her faith. Middle school is where she learns to own her faith. Not her mommy and daddy’s faith, not her LG leader and Children’s pastor’s faith but this is where she puts tests out her faith, puts it into action, and calls it her own.
Last Friday there was a middle school dance. She asked to go…we relented. Were we right for doing this? I still don’t know. Again, God did not ask me to protect her from the world but to prepare her to be a light in it. She dressed up and I dropped her off at the curb. I watched her walk through those doors with boys almost twice her size and I just prayed over her as I drove home. At 8 pm sharp, momma was sitting at the curb, waiting for pick-up. I took her out to grab a bite after the dance and listened to her talk. She talked about how dark it was, she talked about the songs littered with cruse words, she talked about the behavior of the students. I waited to hear her heart on what she had witnessed. She told me it was fun but not what she expected. She quickly found some girls that also go to church and stood to the side watching. She was shocked at the DJ’s choices and conveyed her displeasure over the lyrics. She told me of the kids trying to get others attention and then she told me of friends choices.
This is what I know… I am here, to be actively involved. To listen closely (this is a VERY important skill at this point), pray often and offer truth when she is open to hearing it. I am here to guide and then protect when needed. My role as her parent is changing. It is not my job to dictate each of her steps any longer but to live out my faith in front of her, to gently remind her that she is an example of Christ and to not blemish His character. On the flip side, God is a redeemer and loves his children unconditionally. It is important that my child knows I will listen to her, she knows this without a doubt because I did it from a very young age. I LISTENED to her, even the stuff that seemed silly and unimportant because I wanted her to be able to trust that I would listen to her during these hard days. These days when she would need me more than ever, even though it appears she needs me less. She also knows that daddy will protect her, that he is paying attention and he values the young lady she is becoming. He continues to date her and show her how precious she is by his words and actions.
I still am dreading these middle school days but I have to hold fast to the truths. Her Father that created her, is intimately acquainted with her heart. He knows each time she will fail and He will be there with waiting arms for her to run into them. He prepared Brian and I to be the parents she needed. Not perfect, but able to model God’s grace in and through our imperfections as parents. Our job as her parents is not over because she has become more independent but rather it is needed in a different way. A safe place for her to admit her failings and to be loved through them and help her to know they are filtered through grace. I am so grateful God entrusted me with this sweet girl and Lord knows I feel completely incapable to help her navigate the ugly of this world. Yes, I am the parent of a middle schooler. Yes these years are awkward and people no longer fawn over the cuteness that is my child but she is not invisible. She is not unseen and in fact she is cherished by the one that created her and the ones that were entrusted with her care. She is an obnoxious, weepy, hot mess many days but she is also a delight, created for a special purpose. She does not have to wait and grow up to fulfill that purpose but she has one even now. Each day she lives for Jesus, she is serving God’s purpose and that middle school across the street, that is filled with darkness has a little light walking around in it.
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