May 9th, 2016- it was the day after Mother’s Day. We had arrived in New Jersey, just outside New York City, the night before. What had started with an email back in October of 2015 was changing our family forever. The 3 of us arrived late at the adoption office, a little stressed at being late and was ushered back into the same room we had met our little boy, just weeks earlier. It was quiet and we were anxious. Just a little earlier, Adi’s birth parents had walked out of that same room, having just signed away all rights to their little boy. The little boy that would forever tie us together.
Our hearts were torn between excitement and grief for what had happened on that same couch just an hour earlier. The case worker went through the paper work with us. Counseled us on how to handle the grief we would soon encounter and we signed our names. From that moment on, we were committed to love a little boy whose world had just been ripped apart without his knowledge. The papers were so simple, so straightforward, but it could not begin to explain the complicated relationships that had just been tangled together.
A few deep breathes and we walked out the doors, climbed in our car and went to get something to eat. We found a Burger King. We did not care that we were eating crappy food. The 3 of us were just sitting there, completely stunned that we had just become a family of four. It seemed so unreal. We talked, we laughed and we shed a few tears as we imagined what the next couple of weeks would hold.
We drove back to our hotel and waited…It felt like hours for the birth parents to arrive with our little boy. We met them in the lobby and walked them up to our room. Birth father was carrying a back pack and birth momma was holding Adi’s little hand. I wanted to just grab him in a huge hug but he did not understand. He was being left behind with us as the only 2 people that had ever cared for him, walked back out that door. We talked for a bit and agreed to meet for dinner. Brian only had this one night and then he had to head back home but this was important too. We needed to listen to them, to hear their hearts, dreams and expectations.
Back at the hotel, a quick swim in the hotel pool and we finally were all snuggled on the bed together. Tears pooled in my eyes as I watched MY family…the one that God whispered on our hearts those 4 years ago, being lived out in front of my very eyes.
Brian headed home and Anna Beth and I begin the long days of sitting in the corners of the birth parent’s home. Watching hours of therapy, learning how Adi interacted with his world and each night Adi, Anna Beth and I went back to the hotel to swim, eat and sleep. It was hard. I sat at the side, being watched by therapists not understanding why I was there…they had not been told that Adi was now my child. They just thought I was invading their therapy space and time. Anna Beth was exhausted from being forced to sit quietly to the side. Each day we encountered the resentment of the birth parent’s as Adi went back to the hotel with us. They had chosen this but grief does not make sense. It cannot be reasoned and it is just hard to walk through. I was left to set boundaries as Brian counseled and prayed with me over text each day.
May 12th, 2016- Thursday was the hardest day at this point. Anna Beth and I took a break and went for a walk to the town square. We needed some space and Anna Beth needed some time to process her feelings. We sat and talked, ate some fresh mozerella sticks from the most amazing little Italian Pizzaria. At the end of that hard day, birth parents dropped us back off at the hotel after asking again to keep Adi with them. The battle to hold to boundaries was hard each day and I finally decided we all needed some space. After talking to Brian, I contacted birth momma that night and let her know that she could come by and pick Adi up for therapy on Friday morning but I was going to take Anna Beth on tour of the Statue of Liberty. It was the only thing that my sweet, patient girl had asked to do.
Friday morning was a breath of fresh air for us both. Adi drove away with birth momma to face his 8 hours of therapy and we mentally recharged. I will forever be grateful for the wisdom of taking that day. I was grateful that Brian pushed me to take that day off. It was cold and we had no warm clothes. We paid outrageous fees in cab rides, took lots of selfies and captured some precious memories. In the cab ride headed back to Port Authority, to catch our bus back to New Jersey, I realized that it was getting late and the hope of receiving that elusive phone call, letting us know we could go home was growing dim. I prayed and asked God for a miracle. I knew we could do another week of this but also knew it was getting hard. Anna Beth needed to get on the plane and head home for the last week of school and I was just emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I had shed so many tears and carried the burden of birth parent’s grief all week. Moments later, my phone rang. It was our case worker in Tennessee. She simply said, “It is done and you are free to come home.” I could not stop the tears and called Brian right away. Next step…tell the birth parents that it was time to take Adi home.
We had planned for birth parents to come back with us. I agreed to let them keep Adi with them this one last night. They would meet us at the airport the next morning at 5:30 am. I hardly slept that night. My mind raced with the fear that they would just not show up at the airport. Anna Beth and I were loaded into the cab by 4:30 Saturday morning and immediately texted birth parents to check on them. They texted back that they were headed towards the airport as well. My heart raced until I saw my little man step on that plane with his birth parents. We were headed home! In just a few hours, I would be with my Love again and Adi would be home.
It was amazing to step off that plane, take my little boy’s hand and put him in his car seat. Birth parents showed grace and gave us a few hours of space. We were able to bring Adi home, to the room we had worked so hard on and start helping him transition to his new family. His first step into his new room and he could not stop smiling. He stared at his pictures on the walls, pulled out his toys and played Hungry Hippos (the first thing he did with us on the day we met) as I sat with tears pouring down my face. Our little boy was home! We knew that there was hard still to come. There would be deep grief as birth parents said their final good-byes BUT in this moment, I savored the amazing hand of God bringing a story to completion. A story that began with a small whisper in our hearts. Quiet talks in our bed at night, sharing our hearts, praying and crying over our desires together. Brian and I, saw God in the form of a 4 year old little boy and the miracle of his story.
