It has been so long since I have blogged that I feel a bit timid doing so now. It is so hard to know where to start as so much has transpired but I will do my best to try.
First, I will start with Anna Beth and the changes we have seen in her. There is no secret that she has been a challenge to raise but the rewards have been huge. She turned 4 in March and I was hoping that this would be the golden age. That all of our hard work would come together. I believe my expectation was that it would happen within 24 hours of her birthday but this was not the case. After a couple of months, we began to see a maturing in our little girl. Not just in the area of obedience but in her relationship with the Lord. Anna Beth had told us back in October of 2008 that she had asked Jesus to live in her heart. At 3 years, it is hard for mommies and daddies to trust that little ones understand this concept. Over the last few months, we have began to see changes. Anna Beth recognizes that Jesus is with us at all times, that He is aware of all our thoughts, words and actions. She understands that her sin hurts Him and she has to talk to Him to have a relationship. There are times that she actually shames me. Anna Beth's relationship with Jesus is so pure and trusting.
The car has become a place of prayer for our little family. Most mornings, Brian or I (the deliverer of the child to school) will have prayer time with Anna Beth. We pray for each of us to have a joyful day, and that we will make Jesus happy with the way we treat others. A few weeks ago, after picking Anna Beth up from school, I mentioned that daddy was having a hard day. Anna Beth informed me that she was going to thank Jesus and ask Him to help her daddy. She proceeded to close her eyes and pray her little heart out. Anna Beth has discovered one of the things that I find hardest to do.... Pray when I have a need. LOL It was so delightful to see my girl seeking her Jesus on behalf of her family. She has done the same for me when my days have been hard.
One morning a couple of weeks ago, Brian went to retrieve our sleeping child from her bed to began the morning wake-up routine. As he picked her up, which is getting harder to do, the first thing she said was, "I had a dream about Jesus!" Her face was full of contentment with a full smile. Did Jesus talk to our girl in her dreams? Did He make Himself real to her? These are answers I will never know but what a testimony of the special relationship that my 4 year old has with her Savior. I am a very grateful mommy! I am grateful for a child that is sensitive to the things of God at such a young age. I am grateful for the people that my family is surrounded by, that teach and enforce the same principles that we hold dear. I am grateful that God held our hands as parents through many doubts, fears and frustration and we are seeing the fruit of discipline and seeds.
Second, is the life of Brian and Jenny! LOL What a roller coaster it has been since February. In the 5 and a half years that Brian and I have been married, there has been very few trials we have had to face as a couple. There was the transition of my moving to Nashville but that was fairly easy. There was the traumatic birth of Anna Beth, 18 days in NICU, coming within 24 hours of heart surgery and going 10 days without holding my baby. But even that only brought us closer than ever! There was days where money was tight, paying off our credit card debt and purchasing 2 homes while selling mine back in Jackson. That too, just brought us closer! Then this year smacked us down in a way I never expected. As many of you know, Brian and I have worked together at the same place for most of our married life. We have loved it and while for many this can be difficult, we enjoyed it. There was the flirting as we passed in the warehouse, the occasional lunch in the lunch room together and there was always a sense to work harder and be above reproach. In February all of this changed...
Our company was purchased and many changes began to take place. Changes that while, helped the business in many ways, were done harshly and in hurtful ways. I had been working 30 hours, 3 days a week and was forced to go full-time or look somewhere else for work. This was a hard transition for our family. Since before Anna Beth was born, I had only worked part-time. Brian was placed in a position that did not come naturally for him but he faced the challenge. As the economy began to take it's toll on the business, there were hard days ahead. Our business went through 3 major systems conversions in one year. The last one was very difficult and not prepared as much as needed. While needed, this conversion became a hindrance to daily work activity. Brian, as the customer support manager, took the brunt of this fall. His team, handled the angry customers and the fall-out when things went wrong. Brian is not a confrontational person and this began to wear on him. We made the decision, as couple that he should began to look for other work.
There were many reasons for this decisions... this position was not what Brian was comfortable with, we had all of our eggs in one basket and that can be scary at times, Brian and his new boss did not communicate well and this caused much friction, again, not something Brian handles well. The search began and I was fearful. Finding a job in this economy can be difficult and scary. I was grateful that we both had jobs and looking elsewhere seemed risky. As the tension mounted, Brian's search became frantic. Almost every night was spent at the computer, applying for jobs. This took it's toll on our little family. Brian pulled away in full survival mode and I took over the running of the house and all emotional support for him and Anna Beth. As we all know, I am usually the emotional one so being the strong one became alot of hard work. I also began to compartmentalize my feelings and our marriage went silent. We both knew it was but for a season and knew that we would time find for us at the end of all this.
The season lasted longer than we thought! LOL One day, after a very difficult talk with Brian's boss, Brian called me and told me what happened. I knew that for some time Brian was ready to just quit and spend all of his energy looking for a job. As his wife, I did not feel the time was right until this particular day. Over the phone, I said, "It is time, come home and write your resignation." The job had taken too much from our family and it was time to put us first. Both of us had prayed much and with that decision we found instant peace.
Peace is great and all but it does not pay the bills! LOL I did not understand how we were going to pay the bills or would we lose our house? Many questions ran through our minds but all the while, peace was worth the cost. I stated during that evening, as Brian wrote his resignation, "While we have believed that God wanted us to trust Him by waiting, maybe He just wants is to step out in faith."
Brian's last 2 weeks of work flew by and I worried about how his leaving would affect my position there. Brian's last working day was Friday, July 3rd. On Thursday he was contacted by someone that had seen his skills on craigslist. Brian sent them his resume that same day and they contacted him again on Monday asking for an interview. The interview was done on Tuesday and by Tuesday night, Brian had a job! My husband only went 2 days without a job! To this day, I am amazed at how God worked. We have had many friends out of work for months and we fully expected the same. God rewarded our faith! I still get tears when I think of what God did for us.
Since the job change, I have gotten my husband back and I was able to go back to being the emotionally needy one. LOL My position was not affected at all and in fact became easier without having to worry about Brian there. I am still at the old job and there are many hard and long days but I know that trusting my God is my only option. There are so many days that I hand my burden over to Him and the next day I take it back. I am human and my shear need drives me back to Him! Every night of exhausted tears, He is there. Every day of hurtful words, He is there. Every victory, He is there. My God has held my family in a special way this year.
I realize that our trial, to some, may seem very small but the result was the same. The trial was but an avenue for which to grow our relationship with our God. I weep as I write this knowing what a deep prayer life my husband I have developed. Our relationship with each other during that time became mostly our prayer life. What Satan could have used to destroy a marriage, God used to strengthen a marriage.
There is no easy way to end this except to thank those of you that have walked through this with us and continue to walk and pray for me as I press on. I know that my only requirement from God in all of this, is that I remain faithful and work with a spirit of excellence. (LA term for some of you! LOL) I hope that our little trial and testimony of faith is an encouragement to some that are walking through a trial of your own.
First, I will start with Anna Beth and the changes we have seen in her. There is no secret that she has been a challenge to raise but the rewards have been huge. She turned 4 in March and I was hoping that this would be the golden age. That all of our hard work would come together. I believe my expectation was that it would happen within 24 hours of her birthday but this was not the case. After a couple of months, we began to see a maturing in our little girl. Not just in the area of obedience but in her relationship with the Lord. Anna Beth had told us back in October of 2008 that she had asked Jesus to live in her heart. At 3 years, it is hard for mommies and daddies to trust that little ones understand this concept. Over the last few months, we have began to see changes. Anna Beth recognizes that Jesus is with us at all times, that He is aware of all our thoughts, words and actions. She understands that her sin hurts Him and she has to talk to Him to have a relationship. There are times that she actually shames me. Anna Beth's relationship with Jesus is so pure and trusting.
The car has become a place of prayer for our little family. Most mornings, Brian or I (the deliverer of the child to school) will have prayer time with Anna Beth. We pray for each of us to have a joyful day, and that we will make Jesus happy with the way we treat others. A few weeks ago, after picking Anna Beth up from school, I mentioned that daddy was having a hard day. Anna Beth informed me that she was going to thank Jesus and ask Him to help her daddy. She proceeded to close her eyes and pray her little heart out. Anna Beth has discovered one of the things that I find hardest to do.... Pray when I have a need. LOL It was so delightful to see my girl seeking her Jesus on behalf of her family. She has done the same for me when my days have been hard.
One morning a couple of weeks ago, Brian went to retrieve our sleeping child from her bed to began the morning wake-up routine. As he picked her up, which is getting harder to do, the first thing she said was, "I had a dream about Jesus!" Her face was full of contentment with a full smile. Did Jesus talk to our girl in her dreams? Did He make Himself real to her? These are answers I will never know but what a testimony of the special relationship that my 4 year old has with her Savior. I am a very grateful mommy! I am grateful for a child that is sensitive to the things of God at such a young age. I am grateful for the people that my family is surrounded by, that teach and enforce the same principles that we hold dear. I am grateful that God held our hands as parents through many doubts, fears and frustration and we are seeing the fruit of discipline and seeds.
Second, is the life of Brian and Jenny! LOL What a roller coaster it has been since February. In the 5 and a half years that Brian and I have been married, there has been very few trials we have had to face as a couple. There was the transition of my moving to Nashville but that was fairly easy. There was the traumatic birth of Anna Beth, 18 days in NICU, coming within 24 hours of heart surgery and going 10 days without holding my baby. But even that only brought us closer than ever! There was days where money was tight, paying off our credit card debt and purchasing 2 homes while selling mine back in Jackson. That too, just brought us closer! Then this year smacked us down in a way I never expected. As many of you know, Brian and I have worked together at the same place for most of our married life. We have loved it and while for many this can be difficult, we enjoyed it. There was the flirting as we passed in the warehouse, the occasional lunch in the lunch room together and there was always a sense to work harder and be above reproach. In February all of this changed...
Our company was purchased and many changes began to take place. Changes that while, helped the business in many ways, were done harshly and in hurtful ways. I had been working 30 hours, 3 days a week and was forced to go full-time or look somewhere else for work. This was a hard transition for our family. Since before Anna Beth was born, I had only worked part-time. Brian was placed in a position that did not come naturally for him but he faced the challenge. As the economy began to take it's toll on the business, there were hard days ahead. Our business went through 3 major systems conversions in one year. The last one was very difficult and not prepared as much as needed. While needed, this conversion became a hindrance to daily work activity. Brian, as the customer support manager, took the brunt of this fall. His team, handled the angry customers and the fall-out when things went wrong. Brian is not a confrontational person and this began to wear on him. We made the decision, as couple that he should began to look for other work.
There were many reasons for this decisions... this position was not what Brian was comfortable with, we had all of our eggs in one basket and that can be scary at times, Brian and his new boss did not communicate well and this caused much friction, again, not something Brian handles well. The search began and I was fearful. Finding a job in this economy can be difficult and scary. I was grateful that we both had jobs and looking elsewhere seemed risky. As the tension mounted, Brian's search became frantic. Almost every night was spent at the computer, applying for jobs. This took it's toll on our little family. Brian pulled away in full survival mode and I took over the running of the house and all emotional support for him and Anna Beth. As we all know, I am usually the emotional one so being the strong one became alot of hard work. I also began to compartmentalize my feelings and our marriage went silent. We both knew it was but for a season and knew that we would time find for us at the end of all this.
The season lasted longer than we thought! LOL One day, after a very difficult talk with Brian's boss, Brian called me and told me what happened. I knew that for some time Brian was ready to just quit and spend all of his energy looking for a job. As his wife, I did not feel the time was right until this particular day. Over the phone, I said, "It is time, come home and write your resignation." The job had taken too much from our family and it was time to put us first. Both of us had prayed much and with that decision we found instant peace.
Peace is great and all but it does not pay the bills! LOL I did not understand how we were going to pay the bills or would we lose our house? Many questions ran through our minds but all the while, peace was worth the cost. I stated during that evening, as Brian wrote his resignation, "While we have believed that God wanted us to trust Him by waiting, maybe He just wants is to step out in faith."
Brian's last 2 weeks of work flew by and I worried about how his leaving would affect my position there. Brian's last working day was Friday, July 3rd. On Thursday he was contacted by someone that had seen his skills on craigslist. Brian sent them his resume that same day and they contacted him again on Monday asking for an interview. The interview was done on Tuesday and by Tuesday night, Brian had a job! My husband only went 2 days without a job! To this day, I am amazed at how God worked. We have had many friends out of work for months and we fully expected the same. God rewarded our faith! I still get tears when I think of what God did for us.
Since the job change, I have gotten my husband back and I was able to go back to being the emotionally needy one. LOL My position was not affected at all and in fact became easier without having to worry about Brian there. I am still at the old job and there are many hard and long days but I know that trusting my God is my only option. There are so many days that I hand my burden over to Him and the next day I take it back. I am human and my shear need drives me back to Him! Every night of exhausted tears, He is there. Every day of hurtful words, He is there. Every victory, He is there. My God has held my family in a special way this year.
I realize that our trial, to some, may seem very small but the result was the same. The trial was but an avenue for which to grow our relationship with our God. I weep as I write this knowing what a deep prayer life my husband I have developed. Our relationship with each other during that time became mostly our prayer life. What Satan could have used to destroy a marriage, God used to strengthen a marriage.
There is no easy way to end this except to thank those of you that have walked through this with us and continue to walk and pray for me as I press on. I know that my only requirement from God in all of this, is that I remain faithful and work with a spirit of excellence. (LA term for some of you! LOL) I hope that our little trial and testimony of faith is an encouragement to some that are walking through a trial of your own.
