A heart of Thankfulness...

So I refuse to start the being thankful for one thing each day through the month of November. Not because I am not thankful but because I will miss a day of posting and it will stress me out because I am type “A.” Instead I have decided to dedicate a blog of THANKFULNESS!


1. I am thankful for the peace of my salvation.
2. I am thankful for the daily prompting of the Holy Spirit to dig deeper in my relationship with the Lord.
3. I am thankful for the way my Father created my little family.
4. I am thankful for a husband that has lived out his marriage vows to the fullest in the last 10 years. (You have no idea what an incredible man he is people!)
5. I am thankful that I am cancer free.
6. I am thankful for my husband’s job that allows him to walk away each day feeling appreciated, supported and needed. It also allows him to come home each day fully present,
emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
7. I am thankful for a husband that prays with me and our daughter daily.
8. I am thankful that God made me a Mommy. (I really thought that one was not going to happen)
9. I am thankful for my headstrong, spunky, beautiful, God loving little girl.
10. I am thankful for God allowing my child not to be perfect so that we can have teachable moments that allow us the chance to teach her more about the Lord.
(this one is hard to be grateful for all the time but I know that it is truth)
11. I am thankful for the burden to adopt that was placed on our hearts straight from our Father in heaven.
12. I am thankful for the holiday season that allow us more time to reflect on God’s goodness.
13. I am thankful for the fall season because I so clearly see the art of God reflected in the fog, trees, sky and crisp air.
14. I am thankful for the dreams that God lays on my heart.
15. I am thankful for the men and women that weekly serve in the preschool and nursery area of TDF.
16. I am thankful for the “community” of TDF in which God has placed us. For the way they live life alongside us, encourage us and love us.
17. I am thankful for technology that allowed us to “see” my brother-in-law via face time all the way from Afganistan.
18. I am thankful for a sweet friendship with my soul sister and real-life sister, Denise.
19. I am thankful for a new a different relationship with my parents that allows us the opportunity to know each other in a new way. How sweet it is to see how God moves in families!
20. I am thankful for a warm and loving relationship with my in-laws.
21. I am thankful that God brought me another sister in form of my sister-in-law Lindsey. She is a blessing to us.
22. I am thankful for teachers, leaders, pastors and adults that appreciate the way my girl always delivers hugs and speak truth into her life. This is sometimes done just by loving
her,sometimes by instructing her and many times by just living out a God influenced life in front of her.
23. I am thankful for the time in history, the place in this world and the family in which God placed me. It is the place where is believes I will bring Him the greatest glory.
24. I am thankful for the people that pray for our family.
25. I am thankful for the magic of Christmas. The reverence related to that holiday that makes me want to sing worship.
26. I am thankful for my heritage. It is flawed, diverse and full of examples of grace.
27. I am thankful for the written Word of God and the ability to have a physical connection to my Father.
28. I am thankful for the mother of our next child and the brave choice that she will make.
29. I am thankful for my brother-in-law that takes good care of my sister and has always been willing/and wants to help in any way he can.
30. I am thankful my sweet nephew that says, “I love you Aunt Denny” and the one on the way that I am excited to meet.
31. I am thankful that God has always provided when He asked us to step out in faith.

This year, my heart is grateful for many things and I could not possibly pen them all. It does help your perspective and focus when you force yourself to be aware of what God has done in your life. It is one of the things I make Anna Beth do when she is becoming too focused on herself and her frustrations. While sometimes those frustrations are valid, we become more aware of God’s presence in the middle of it when we stop to be thankful.

A Day In The Life...

I will give you a lovely play by play of my sweet angel last night… I picked her up from school and I could tell that she was a bit cranky. Me, being the brilliant and sensitive mother that I am asked, “what’s wrong?.” That question apparently opened the portal of all things evil because my “angel” began to spew forth sassy and disrespectful language. Between the door of the school and the door of my car she was on the verge of getting grounded for 2 days, at which point she responded with, “Mommy, I don’t think you want me to throw a fit right now because you and I both know how I can be!” I, in my parental wisdom stated, “Bring it!” and “Bring it” she did. I had to go pick up some hay for a church display and on the way she said things like, “I don’t care…whatever…you can’t make me.” At that point we had been together maybe 15 minutes and the angel had shown her horns. I told her to not speak to me till we got home or she was grounded for the week. It was hysterical watching her try to not implode from lack of speech. She finally broke down and begged me for forgiveness and I informed her that I was not ready to give it yet because she only wanted it so she could talk…the silence continued. We finally made it home and the child climbed the stairs to her room where she barricaded herself in and moped about all the people that had wronged her that day. I made dinner and she came down the stairs, only to thrash around on her seat, make gagging faces while making claims that she was full and in the same breath asking for candy. Brian and I sat across from each other at the dinner table trying not to laugh and groan at the agonizing long parenting responsibility of walking through each bite victory. After slouching in her chair from the herculean effort it took to eat those 5 bites, Brian announced it was violin practice. It took 12 minutes…12, to get her violin out of the case, her chin padding strapped on and her bow tightened. She then, with her feeble arms, lifted her violin and began to play the worst rendition of her song that I have ever heard. She was so exhausted from the effort, she collapsed on the floor and stated she was not possibly able to go through that again! (I was sitting across the room silently thanking God that she had done her homework at school) We managed to screech out a couple of more songs on the violin and daddy declared enough and told her to put her violin away. This is the point that her body contorted in a writhing, wailing thing that syfy movies are made out of. Her frail little frame was able to slowly climb the stairs and drag herself into the bathroom where it appeared all evil was washed off with a good bar of Dove and some shampoo. In the end, she was grounded for the week, mommy and daddy were given 3 great hours of teachable moments and she learned about respecting her authorities that God had placed over her. She trotted off to bed with a smile on her face and I climbed into bed in the fetal position praying that we do not have to do that again the next day. SIGH!

Change and Grief....

I should be sleeping since it is once again one in the morning but alas I remain sleepless. My girl is struggling and I am restless. Every year at this time, I hold my breath to see how she is going to handle the new teacher, the new schedule, the new rules and the new expectations. You see, my girl was born a "type A." Every year this change is difficult. Anna Beth has spent the entire summer growing up and spreading her wings. Every time I turned around she was trying something new and testing her boundries. She spent 2 1/2 weeks away from home this summer. She learned how to cook on the stove top on her own (I was hovering close by). She learned to cut veggies with a sharp knife and cook meals. She learned to get herself ready and fix her own hair, with a flat iron! She blossomed but by the end of the summer she was exhausted from the constant change. It does not come natural for her and it literally wears on her. Five weeks out and she was completely frustrated that school had not started yet. She was exhausted from the constant change and was looking forward to the familiar. Sunday night she was so excited about school that she had daddy help her pick out her outfit and move all of her stuff out of our bathroom and into her own. She was declaring this the year of independence. And why not....she was going into third grade! She has been doing this school thing for 4 years now and knew exactly what to expect. Imagine her dismay when her new teacher listed a new grading system, a new set of rules, (A lot of rules), she was not as flexible as her last teacher, and a completely new daily schedule. All of this on top of the fact that she is still grieving last year's teacher who totally "got" her. The crash came hard tonight...complete and utter meltdown over not wanting to take a bath. There was crying and when I say crying, I mean uncontrollable sobbing and screaming. Door slamming and a little hyperventilating were involved. Brian and I both knew what was really wrong but it is still exhausting walking her through it. Letting her grieve but teaching her that it is not ok to disobey and she still has to treat mommy and daddy with respect. Brian was the one that she clung to tonight and I have to admit I was grateful. I was exhausted and did not have the patience to deal with the symptoms. When she was ready, he helped her calm, talked to her about her behavior and then helped her to complete the tasks that sent her off the deep end 30 minutes earlier. We thought she was done but when he went to put her to bed she could not settle. She was restless and could not sleep. Her nightly routine of a book and prayer time with daddy was not enough to settle her heart so Brian told her she had to try and fall asleep on her own. The sobs overtook her again. I could hear her begging him to return from the living room downstairs. Finally... after another trip to her room she calmed and slept. My heart breaks for her because I understand how painful this process really is for my sweet girl. This last year was the first time that she had a teacher that understood her leader personality. Her teacher gave her responsibility as reward and AB thrived. I saw her learn humility, a work ethic and learn to love others where they were at. I watched her fall in love with special needs kids...her favorite are autistic kids and she can spot them in a store faster than most adults I know. She immediately smiles at them and says Hi. One of her jobs last year was to be a buddy to one of the autistic kids in the class. She would calm him when he got upset and help him when he needed direction. She loved being the one that could help Josh. My girl would rather organize a box of colored beads than play dress up. She does not like to play games but would rather organize the game and help the younger ones with the rules. Her last teacher got all this about her and encouraged her to be who she was rather than trying to make her fit a mold of what she expected her to be like. Anna Beth fears the MOLD! My girl is just plain old scared of the unknown and I honestly don't blame her. It is hard to trust that someone who is in authority over you will not crush you. The next few days could set the tone for the year and this Mommy's heart is

prayerful over her girl and the teacher that will lead her. My girl loves school and learning, the last thing I want to happen is for that joy to be diminished. One of the hardest parts of being a parent is trusting that God will protect them when they are not in our care. I have no choice but to trust and remain watchful.

Wife...Mom...Employee

I have been struggling with this subject for some time. Those of you close to me are aware of this but maybe not to the depths of how much I struggle. You see I am a full time Wife, a full time Mom and a full time Employee. Many of you know what this looks like...many do not. In today's world, my heart struggles daily with the delicate balance of these 3 worlds. Five days a week my day looks like... Wake up at 5:45, get the girl ready, get myself ready, make sure lunches are bagged, the girl's folder is signed, quick kisses and hugs all around, often times a quick prayer together and then I am racing 45 minutes down the road to get to work by 7:30 am. I follow this same 45 minute route home at 4:30 pm to get the girl, then run errands and get us home. I then have about 3 hours with my girl to instill Godly principles, core values and responsiblity. During those 3 hours I also have to fit in, a load of laundry, homework, dinner, violin practice, bath time and then daddy totes her off to bed for reading, prayer time and finally sleep. Once she is in bed, I have time to finish laundry, clean up the kitchen, pack lunches for the next day, straighten up the house, work on projects, crank out some emails looking for volunteers for church,set out clothes for us for the next day and sometimes sit on the couch for a few minutes. Around 11 pm each night, Brian and I fall into bed, discuss our days, what is on our hearts and then hopefully be asleep by midnight so we can do it again the next day. The part that I struggle with....the guilt! Everyday I am faced with people discussing organic meals, homeade oatmeal, homemade granola bars, spending hours in a grocery store reading labels looking for things like,(turn your eyes away from the screen now if you are easily horrified) corn syrup! I know that you should be careful with what you put in your bodies and trust me, I try. For goodness sakes, I have had well meaning people send me links about eating "clean" because I have had cancer. Reminding me of how I need to be careful because anything processed can feed cancer. BTW, I have not forgotten that I have had cancer. I have some pretty nasty scars to remind of this on a daily basis. I know their hearts just want the very best for me. I want the very best for me and my family too. I work hard to do my very best at this. I see all the great tips on keeping a house organized and they look like great ideas. I see all the cute crafts or family activities that you can plan and they do look like fun. I see all the pre-prepped organic meals that you can put in cute mason jars and just add water. (Still not sure how I feel about this one)and I am sure they are healthy. However...they are a constant reminder of where I am failing. RIght now I am sitting in my great room with homework undone, coupons waiting to be clipped, book bags waiting to be cleaned out, dishes in the sink waiting to be washed, a wedding project set up in the middle of the floor of my living room area waiting to be worked on, a dryer running in the background reminding me that I have already fluffed that load once already, little pieces of my child's life laying in various places around the house,and then there is the pile of clothes on my side of the bed that torture my husband each day. (By the time it is time to crawl in bed it is just too much work to pick up the discarded clothes from AB and I) Each of these things a reminder of all the stuff I am not doing right. This is my life! This is what God has chosen for me! This is the place that He has called me to be content! (Yes, I like exclamation points, it is a joke with friends!) I have to constantly remind myself that this is what God called me to do. He has not called me to be all of those things on Pinterest. (I have a love/hate relationship with that app!) He has not chosen me to be an organic chef. He has called me to invest in my family and the lives around me. I am uniquely and divinely flawed so that I need Him. I am a scarred up, completely anal (Brian calls it OCD), exhausted, sometimes crabby,often times weepy,very messy child of the King! He loves me this way and He is teaching me daily to love what He has given to me. I am learning to only do what He has called me to do in this moment. To long for Him and a life that relfects Him rather than the life that I am witness to on FB and Pinterest. This is me, plain and simple.

From Cheesy Smile to Tears

In my house this is a common occurance as I have an 8 year old daughter. Ha! Who am I kidding, she has been that way since birth. Tonight, after picking my girl up from school, I informed her that we were heading to the grocery store. She was not thrilled and I told her that we were going to do this quickly so we could hurry up and get home. I asked her to please cooperate so that we could get home quickly and she could play outside. To my child, this is the ultimate gift...time to play outside! In response to my statement about cooperating I got a hesitant..."I'll try." I drove with little confidence that she was going to do this, the rest of the way to the store. We made it through the front doors and through most of the veggie section without incident. As we headed towards the fruit, my girl took over steering the cart. Before I could stop her, she rammed the cart of another woman. I am not talking about a gentle bump people. I am talking about a running start kind of crash. One look at her and I knew...she did NOT have kids! I profusly apologized, pushed my cart around her, and gave my daughter her first and only warning. I made it back to the fruit and turned to select a few items for my girl for lunches for the week. As I was pulling items to purchase, my sweet, precious child has sat on the bottom of the cart and pushed it down to the meat counter. A woman walked up to me, (obviously a mom) and stated, "Mamm, are you missing a cart cause I believe your daughter might be over there." I took a look at where she was pointing and see my cart mysteriously moving of its own volition. SIGH! Laughing, the kind woman walks away as I walk down the aisle to retrieve my juvinille delinquint. At this point, I calmly point to the cart basket and order her in. We spent the next 10 to 15 minutes walking the store in complete silence. Somewhere around the paper aisle my dear child appears to be growing bored with shopping and proceeds to stick her arm out as far as she can so she can try to kncok stuff off the shelves. I managed to avoid getting her close to anything until I had to veer out of the way to avoid another mom in a bigger hurry than I. At that point, several sponges go tumbling to the store floor right in front of an older woman that seems to have forgotten that children can be a trial at times. At this point, I grow even quieter, if that is possible! AB manages to not further humilate me as we approach the check-out. At the check-out, I make her stand on the end of the cart and not move unless given permission to do so. She takes one good look at me and grins from ear to ear. While I wanted to continue being mad at her, that grin just broke my mean streak and I had to grin back. :) On the way to the car, my funny girl begans making plans for her play time outside. This is the point where she receives her consequences and I let her know that she has lost her outdoor playtime with her friends. By the time that we got home, she was in quite a mood and almost managed to make it up to her room before she broke out in sobs where she let me know just how ticked she was with a slam of her door. Thank goodness Daddy got home at the same time because he took over and listened to her complain through the sobs for the next 20 minutes. I love her. I love her unconditionally. I love her more than she could ever imagine. There are days however that I wonder if I can lock her up in her room till she is ready to go to college!

My Funny Girl

I have purposed to blog more about my girl so that someday she has stories to read of her life and to see her personality emerging.I also want her to be able to have a recording about her family and life to share her fun stories with those important in her life some day. My girl is very sentimental and that will be important to her. Tonight, when we arrived home, AB came running from the mailbox yelling that there was a small box that had arrived. I realized that it was my new business cards for the wedding consulting business we are starting. Of course she wanted to see them right away so I opened them a gave her one. She looked over it for a minute and then handed it back to me. In a business-like voice she said, "Will you plan my wedding someday?" "Of course I will but it has to be a long time from now", I said. AB responded by saying, "I will try but I can't wait too long because you will not be around anymore." Bless her! I love to her the crazy things that come out of her mouth.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Today is the day we celebrate our sweet girl! Eight years ago God blessed us with you. That day was long and hard on your mommy and daddy. We listened with tears as the doctors told us you needed to go on a ventilator. We waited for 14 days to be able to even hold you. Finally, 18 days after you were born, we brought you home. We were so excited to hold you and spoil you rotten. Eight years later we have discovered more of who you are... You take life very seriously and have a very sensitive heart. You can lead a group with gentleness taking care to pay attention to others feelings. You love the Lord and seek to obey Him. You are stubborn which has served you well at times. You get your feelings hurt easily because you love with abandon. Your family is core to you. You write notes to others to encourage them. Your love language is time. You love music and it pours out of you daily. You often act older than your age and relate better with adults than other kids. You love kids yourger than you and you are gentle with them. You are loyal to a fault. You read constantly and have more more books than toys. You love the outdoors and have an energy level that surprises people. You are DRAMA and drive your daddy crazy with your reactions. You demand attention and talk constantly. You share your heart easily with others and are very trusting. You have a gift for writing and surprise us with your insight. You have faced difficult things in your eight years with better composure than some adults. You are a perfectionist and put more pressure on yourself than we ever could. You love to cook and help around the house. You are truly amazing and we delight in you each day. Mommy and Daddy are amazed that God trusted us to be your parents. You never cease to blow us away with kindness and sense of humor. We look forward to spending the next year loving you and watching you grow. Happy Birthday to one of our greatest treasures!