Wife...Mom...Employee

I have been struggling with this subject for some time. Those of you close to me are aware of this but maybe not to the depths of how much I struggle. You see I am a full time Wife, a full time Mom and a full time Employee. Many of you know what this looks like...many do not. In today's world, my heart struggles daily with the delicate balance of these 3 worlds. Five days a week my day looks like... Wake up at 5:45, get the girl ready, get myself ready, make sure lunches are bagged, the girl's folder is signed, quick kisses and hugs all around, often times a quick prayer together and then I am racing 45 minutes down the road to get to work by 7:30 am. I follow this same 45 minute route home at 4:30 pm to get the girl, then run errands and get us home. I then have about 3 hours with my girl to instill Godly principles, core values and responsiblity. During those 3 hours I also have to fit in, a load of laundry, homework, dinner, violin practice, bath time and then daddy totes her off to bed for reading, prayer time and finally sleep. Once she is in bed, I have time to finish laundry, clean up the kitchen, pack lunches for the next day, straighten up the house, work on projects, crank out some emails looking for volunteers for church,set out clothes for us for the next day and sometimes sit on the couch for a few minutes. Around 11 pm each night, Brian and I fall into bed, discuss our days, what is on our hearts and then hopefully be asleep by midnight so we can do it again the next day. The part that I struggle with....the guilt! Everyday I am faced with people discussing organic meals, homeade oatmeal, homemade granola bars, spending hours in a grocery store reading labels looking for things like,(turn your eyes away from the screen now if you are easily horrified) corn syrup! I know that you should be careful with what you put in your bodies and trust me, I try. For goodness sakes, I have had well meaning people send me links about eating "clean" because I have had cancer. Reminding me of how I need to be careful because anything processed can feed cancer. BTW, I have not forgotten that I have had cancer. I have some pretty nasty scars to remind of this on a daily basis. I know their hearts just want the very best for me. I want the very best for me and my family too. I work hard to do my very best at this. I see all the great tips on keeping a house organized and they look like great ideas. I see all the cute crafts or family activities that you can plan and they do look like fun. I see all the pre-prepped organic meals that you can put in cute mason jars and just add water. (Still not sure how I feel about this one)and I am sure they are healthy. However...they are a constant reminder of where I am failing. RIght now I am sitting in my great room with homework undone, coupons waiting to be clipped, book bags waiting to be cleaned out, dishes in the sink waiting to be washed, a wedding project set up in the middle of the floor of my living room area waiting to be worked on, a dryer running in the background reminding me that I have already fluffed that load once already, little pieces of my child's life laying in various places around the house,and then there is the pile of clothes on my side of the bed that torture my husband each day. (By the time it is time to crawl in bed it is just too much work to pick up the discarded clothes from AB and I) Each of these things a reminder of all the stuff I am not doing right. This is my life! This is what God has chosen for me! This is the place that He has called me to be content! (Yes, I like exclamation points, it is a joke with friends!) I have to constantly remind myself that this is what God called me to do. He has not called me to be all of those things on Pinterest. (I have a love/hate relationship with that app!) He has not chosen me to be an organic chef. He has called me to invest in my family and the lives around me. I am uniquely and divinely flawed so that I need Him. I am a scarred up, completely anal (Brian calls it OCD), exhausted, sometimes crabby,often times weepy,very messy child of the King! He loves me this way and He is teaching me daily to love what He has given to me. I am learning to only do what He has called me to do in this moment. To long for Him and a life that relfects Him rather than the life that I am witness to on FB and Pinterest. This is me, plain and simple.