"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, Because you know that the testing of your faith, faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
Brian and I ended chemo as we began it...together and with excitement! The beginning, we had excitement because we were fighting and the ending because we no longer have to fight. The day brought joy and tears.
While I am excited that this is phase is over, there is also a sadness to leave my network of nurses that have become so very dear to me. After seeing them 2 to 3 times a week for months, they became a part of my life. I will miss their smiling faces, their encouragement, hugs and words of encouragement. From Tonya that loved to ask me the special question she claims she did not have to ask any one else, "Did you pass out this week?" LOL To Linda that always made me feel special and wanted. The 2 Theresa's always greeted me with a smile and would stop in to chat. Jenny never ceased to make me laugh with her goofy antics and sweet Kina that was always so very sweet. Pam that loved to tease and Stephanie that is always down to earth and there with a smile and tease for me. Then there is Sheree that keeps everyone going and makes sure that I am taken care of for my appointments. These chemo nurses love their jobs and they go above and beyond to take care of their patients. They are a special group that I thank God for daily. Chemo would have been so much harder without these special women that walked me through that long 6 month journey. There is also my clinical trial nurse Glenda that hugged me through the tears and cared for me as a mom cares for her kids. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to have such a Godly woman in my life as I shared the painful parts and victories.
There is also a fear of no longer fighting the disease. Now, I sit and wait between check-ups and questioning any new aches and pains that appear. While I know that God is not an author of fear it is something that I fight to give back to Him. There is no guarantee that the cancer will never return but Brian and I will trust Our Heavenly Father just as we have from the very beginning. There will be times we will fail at this but thank goodness for grace.
I am not sure that I can possibly share everything that we as a family have learned through this entire process. Our relationships are deeper with the Lord and each other. What a blessing it is to hear our daughter ask to pray with her on a daily basis about the things going on in our world in that moment. We have learned our strengths and weakness. Some that we knew and others that we never knew we had. I have been amazed to watch Brian as he fulfilled his wedding vows to the fullest. The way that he supported, cared for me and protected our family through this last 6 months was such an encouragement and show of love to me.
I have learned to see myself as God sees me. The physical beauty was taken away in many ways however I have never felt more loved and wanted by my God. My heart has been softened and the box that I had kept God in was blown apart as I realized that He is so much bigger and intimate than I had ever dreamed. What a special time with Him as I walked through the fire and opened my heart in a whole new way. I have shed many tears and laughed more than I thought possible. While I would never had chosen for myself and family to walk this road...what a blessing we have received on the journey. God gave us an incredible opportunity to lean on Him and trust in ways that I never thought necessary.
I am grateful for the people that have walked this road with us. We can never thank you enough for the financial, physical, mental, emotional and prayerful support that you have lavished on our family. The surgery will mark the official end to what seemed an overwhelming task back in July 2010. I have a few months to get my body and energy back but we will slowly become a part of the world again. I look forward to being a part of my church body on a regular basis and serving others again. I also look forward to being a real helpmate to my husband and a mommy off the couch rather than just the cuddler. I am no longer that cancer patient but a survivor and ready to share with the world how special this time has been!
