Me Vs. Spider

Monday morning showed such promise as I grabbed my stuff and hit the door headed to work. cruising along the back-roads, quietly preparing my heart for the day and then....I saw it! A spider, a small brown, creepy thing that had the strength of 10 football players. At some point during the night, that THING had moved into my side mirror. I stared at it and my skin began to crawl. I watched as it held on despite the fact that it was blowing along in its web at speeds of 40 mph. Slowly it worked its way to the corner of the mirror and climbed in behind it. It was safe! Safe from certain death and I knew that my commute was going to be filled with terror till that thing moved out.

Each morning and evening this week, I spend 45 minutes to an hour with one eye on that mirror and one eye on the road. The web grows and with it my imagination. For 3 days and nights I have trekked from one side of town to the other, carefully taking notes of the best places to pull over in case an escape was needed. I have places going and coming in case that spider makes its way inside my vehicle. I have 3 planned escape routes to get out of the vehicle. I have mentally walked through how quickly I could stop the car and bail. I did realize during this careful planning that the optimal would have been to also have a sun roof in my car. At some point I realized that my ability to get myself in worse situations would occur with a sun roof. I pictured myself attempting to climb out of the top of the car and in the process getting stuck. That freakishly strong spider could then climb my leg and get stuck in my pants. In the end, I realized that not having a sun roof was God's divine intervention from a fate worse than death!

I am held prisoner by this small spider that loves to play the innocent. My window cannot be rolled down. I lay awake at night planning out my responses to the worst case scenarios with this THING and feeling as though it is crawling on me! Only time will tell who will win this battle but I will be mentally tortured till it is over!

What Does a Spiritual Leader Look Like?

This is a hard one to define. My view of this have changed over the years. I used to imagine myself married to a man that spent his evenings holding prayer meetings in our living room. God had another type of man in mind for me. :)

Anna Beth developed a sincere interest in the homeless when she was about 5 years old. We were driving down the interstate in Nashville and she noticed a homeless man sitting under a bridge. She asked many questions and helping the homeless has been a mission of her's ever since. Recently, she had a birthday party and requested her friends to bring non-perishable food rather than gifts. She wanted to donate it to the Nashville Rescue Mission. Today, her and Brian finally had some time to take it and the 2 turkeys in my freezer down there. I stayed home so that I could get some cleaning done. When they returned Brian told me how the delivery went. He stated that on the way there, they prayed over the food and the people that would use it. They prayed that God would use it to minister to them.

No, I did not marry a Bible thumping man of God. Instead I am married to a strong quiet leader. A man that prays with us as we leave the house in the mornings. A man that reads a verse at dinner and discusses how it applies to us. A man that lays in bed with our daughter at night and prays over her heart. A man that is intentional in his relationship with me and our daughter. And let's be honest...the man is just plaid old funny!

Adoption: An Act of Faith

Many of you have asked and wondered where we are at in the adoption process. We are simply in a phase of waiting. I will be honest....waiting is HARD! Brian and I felt strongly that God has called us to adopt domestically. That means we sit and wait for a birth mom to choose us. We have been in this phase since October 2013.

Brian and I both felt the calling to adopt about 2 years ago. God dealt with both our hearts separately and it came up in a random conversation one day. We have struggled with aspects of this adoption at times and have prayed our way through the process. Right now the biggest fear involves faith.

This is not as though we saw a child on a website and are pursing them until they are safely in our care. This is a blind faith of believing God when He tells us to prepare. There is fear in asking people to partner with us in raising funds and being unsure if we will ever hold our baby. There is fear in preparing space for a child that may never come and live here. There is fear in putting your whole heart in and never knowing for sure if we will see that dream God has given us come true. At times there are tears, there is a questioning of God's calling and there is the overwhelming fear of the unknown.

Brian and I are not risk takers. We play if safe most of the time. It is simply our personalities. If we were asked to take one of those investment personality tests, we would be the ones that would chose the 15 year CD at 1% rather than buying stock that could tank at any given moment. We like a sure thing. Adoption is not a sure thing. It is risky for your bank account, your pride and your heart. We are also taking a risk with our daughter's heart because she is ALL in as well.

Right now we wait, we pray and we believe in what God has called us to do. To pursue a child of God's choosing so that we can raise that child to fall in love with their heavenly Father.