Wife...Mom...Employee

I have been struggling with this subject for some time. Those of you close to me are aware of this but maybe not to the depths of how much I struggle. You see I am a full time Wife, a full time Mom and a full time Employee. Many of you know what this looks like...many do not. In today's world, my heart struggles daily with the delicate balance of these 3 worlds. Five days a week my day looks like... Wake up at 5:45, get the girl ready, get myself ready, make sure lunches are bagged, the girl's folder is signed, quick kisses and hugs all around, often times a quick prayer together and then I am racing 45 minutes down the road to get to work by 7:30 am. I follow this same 45 minute route home at 4:30 pm to get the girl, then run errands and get us home. I then have about 3 hours with my girl to instill Godly principles, core values and responsiblity. During those 3 hours I also have to fit in, a load of laundry, homework, dinner, violin practice, bath time and then daddy totes her off to bed for reading, prayer time and finally sleep. Once she is in bed, I have time to finish laundry, clean up the kitchen, pack lunches for the next day, straighten up the house, work on projects, crank out some emails looking for volunteers for church,set out clothes for us for the next day and sometimes sit on the couch for a few minutes. Around 11 pm each night, Brian and I fall into bed, discuss our days, what is on our hearts and then hopefully be asleep by midnight so we can do it again the next day. The part that I struggle with....the guilt! Everyday I am faced with people discussing organic meals, homeade oatmeal, homemade granola bars, spending hours in a grocery store reading labels looking for things like,(turn your eyes away from the screen now if you are easily horrified) corn syrup! I know that you should be careful with what you put in your bodies and trust me, I try. For goodness sakes, I have had well meaning people send me links about eating "clean" because I have had cancer. Reminding me of how I need to be careful because anything processed can feed cancer. BTW, I have not forgotten that I have had cancer. I have some pretty nasty scars to remind of this on a daily basis. I know their hearts just want the very best for me. I want the very best for me and my family too. I work hard to do my very best at this. I see all the great tips on keeping a house organized and they look like great ideas. I see all the cute crafts or family activities that you can plan and they do look like fun. I see all the pre-prepped organic meals that you can put in cute mason jars and just add water. (Still not sure how I feel about this one)and I am sure they are healthy. However...they are a constant reminder of where I am failing. RIght now I am sitting in my great room with homework undone, coupons waiting to be clipped, book bags waiting to be cleaned out, dishes in the sink waiting to be washed, a wedding project set up in the middle of the floor of my living room area waiting to be worked on, a dryer running in the background reminding me that I have already fluffed that load once already, little pieces of my child's life laying in various places around the house,and then there is the pile of clothes on my side of the bed that torture my husband each day. (By the time it is time to crawl in bed it is just too much work to pick up the discarded clothes from AB and I) Each of these things a reminder of all the stuff I am not doing right. This is my life! This is what God has chosen for me! This is the place that He has called me to be content! (Yes, I like exclamation points, it is a joke with friends!) I have to constantly remind myself that this is what God called me to do. He has not called me to be all of those things on Pinterest. (I have a love/hate relationship with that app!) He has not chosen me to be an organic chef. He has called me to invest in my family and the lives around me. I am uniquely and divinely flawed so that I need Him. I am a scarred up, completely anal (Brian calls it OCD), exhausted, sometimes crabby,often times weepy,very messy child of the King! He loves me this way and He is teaching me daily to love what He has given to me. I am learning to only do what He has called me to do in this moment. To long for Him and a life that relfects Him rather than the life that I am witness to on FB and Pinterest. This is me, plain and simple.

From Cheesy Smile to Tears

In my house this is a common occurance as I have an 8 year old daughter. Ha! Who am I kidding, she has been that way since birth. Tonight, after picking my girl up from school, I informed her that we were heading to the grocery store. She was not thrilled and I told her that we were going to do this quickly so we could hurry up and get home. I asked her to please cooperate so that we could get home quickly and she could play outside. To my child, this is the ultimate gift...time to play outside! In response to my statement about cooperating I got a hesitant..."I'll try." I drove with little confidence that she was going to do this, the rest of the way to the store. We made it through the front doors and through most of the veggie section without incident. As we headed towards the fruit, my girl took over steering the cart. Before I could stop her, she rammed the cart of another woman. I am not talking about a gentle bump people. I am talking about a running start kind of crash. One look at her and I knew...she did NOT have kids! I profusly apologized, pushed my cart around her, and gave my daughter her first and only warning. I made it back to the fruit and turned to select a few items for my girl for lunches for the week. As I was pulling items to purchase, my sweet, precious child has sat on the bottom of the cart and pushed it down to the meat counter. A woman walked up to me, (obviously a mom) and stated, "Mamm, are you missing a cart cause I believe your daughter might be over there." I took a look at where she was pointing and see my cart mysteriously moving of its own volition. SIGH! Laughing, the kind woman walks away as I walk down the aisle to retrieve my juvinille delinquint. At this point, I calmly point to the cart basket and order her in. We spent the next 10 to 15 minutes walking the store in complete silence. Somewhere around the paper aisle my dear child appears to be growing bored with shopping and proceeds to stick her arm out as far as she can so she can try to kncok stuff off the shelves. I managed to avoid getting her close to anything until I had to veer out of the way to avoid another mom in a bigger hurry than I. At that point, several sponges go tumbling to the store floor right in front of an older woman that seems to have forgotten that children can be a trial at times. At this point, I grow even quieter, if that is possible! AB manages to not further humilate me as we approach the check-out. At the check-out, I make her stand on the end of the cart and not move unless given permission to do so. She takes one good look at me and grins from ear to ear. While I wanted to continue being mad at her, that grin just broke my mean streak and I had to grin back. :) On the way to the car, my funny girl begans making plans for her play time outside. This is the point where she receives her consequences and I let her know that she has lost her outdoor playtime with her friends. By the time that we got home, she was in quite a mood and almost managed to make it up to her room before she broke out in sobs where she let me know just how ticked she was with a slam of her door. Thank goodness Daddy got home at the same time because he took over and listened to her complain through the sobs for the next 20 minutes. I love her. I love her unconditionally. I love her more than she could ever imagine. There are days however that I wonder if I can lock her up in her room till she is ready to go to college!