Yesterday I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and so a new journey has begun. We have cried, made jokes and contemplated the future but the one thing that we have not done is ask God, "Why us?" I have learned several things in the last couple of years and one of them being that God uses everything for His glory.
Looking back over the last few months, I can see God working towards that phone call yesterday. It all started with Brian being given a job at the Vanderbilt Cancer Center. From there, I received a job that I believed was "THE ONE" when in reality is was just another step.
That day, sitting in the conference room listening to the plan, wondering why God allowed this to happen and then moments later having FBI burst through the door, weapon ready was just a little blurb in my world. At the time, it felt huge but in reality is was just God setting the stage for the next step. The next step was another job offer within 24 hours. Part-time but a blessing non-the-less. A job that would allow flexibility and a work environment that was encouraging.
During all of this, I found a lump. I just could not let it go and mentioned it at a routine doctor visit. The doctor listened to me and ordered a mammogram the same day. That day has changed the "normal" for our family for months to come. That lump turned out to be nothing but the tumor lurking in the shadows was discovered. After a life-long dream vacation to Disney World we returned to face what God had laid out before us. A biopsy and a diagnosis.
I have no idea what is to come but I have no fear. It is so obvious that God has been preparing the way that I cannot help but be grateful. I grieve and I mourn but there is no question that God knew I was ready for this. That my family was ready. We are ready for that special fellowship with our Father as we climb in His arms. I have had several people tell me that they do not understand why God has asked so much of us in the last couple of years but to them I say, "it is an opportunity to lose more of me in HIM." I know there will be moments in the next several months that I will forget these words. I will grieve the silly things, like losing my hair but in the end my time with God will be worth every strand. This is an opportunity for my daughter to watch our responses to what God has asked of us. We are called according to His purpose and for His glory so with that in mind, I begin a new journey of hope and trust.
