So much of what we have shared over the last 3 months has surrounded Adi but the heart of my sweet girl has not gone unnoticed. A dear friend and her husband came over to have lunch with us yesterday. She quietly watched Adi and his interaction with Anna Beth. Before she left, she mentioned to AB the patience she showed towards her younger brother. I had tears in my eyes at just that one little comment. You see, my girl has suffered but she has suffered well. She has spent the last 11 years being an only child and the last 3 months have been all consuming, for all of us. Adi will not be silent or ignored and he is often aggressive when he cannot explain his frustration. He most often takes that aggression out on his sister. She shares her frustration with us when she needs to vent but she rarely takes it out on him. My girl recognizes that Adi cannot control his emotions as well as she and she suffers through it well.
This does not mean that my girl does not feel pushed aside. It does not mean that she does not feel the sting of adding a sibling. Brian and I work hard to find time for just her. Taking her alone to the store so she can talk, let loose and feel the full attention of her parent or having her big self climb in between us in the bed for snuggles after her brother has gone to bed. To be honest, I miss just having her in moments. I miss the extra time for Brian and I, the time of quiet with my girl. I have missed making a bigger deal for her about middle school but I also know that God is using this change in our family to develop character in all of us. Adi was created by God, held in HIS hand and gently placed in our family at just the right time. For all the painful growing that we are walking through, this was orchestrated by our Father and we would be foolish not to see him in each step of this adoption.
Our girl has watched God move, she knows that God prepared our family for this and her heart was ready. We as her parents, have tried to show grace as much as possible but let’s be honest, we are human. We get frustrated too. We don’t always acknowledge the hard for Anna Beth. Sometimes we expect more out of her than we should but I rest in this, “God has her!” At one of the hardest stages of her life, God sent her a brother. Not just any brother but a brother that has more needs than is typical. A brother that requires greater grace from her, and a deeper love and commitment. God will use this to shape her view of the broken, to show her His purpose for her life. He will use her brother to see beyond her own need and to fully live out a life of service. This is what I am praying over her heart.
This is not the first time that God called my girl to trust beyond what is typical for her age. At the start of her school career, God called our family to walk through the journey of cancer. God walked her through that VERY hard and I know that he is walking with her now. As I watch her love her brother I am reminded of a passage of verses…
“For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for the doing of good and endure it, it is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow his steps” I Peter 2:19-21
What I know is this…her longsuffering, her patient love and grace filled speech will someday prove out God’s love to Adi. Someday he will see how well she loved him and through that, he will see God’s love for himself. Through her quiet longsuffering, she is seeing God soften her brother’s heart. She is being witness to God’s power and if we, as her parents, point out God in her every day, she will learn to watch and be ready. She will learn to step forward when it is at the risk of condemnation but she will because she knows of the greater risk at stake.
Through this entire adoption, Brian and I have prayed. We have prayed that we would fulfill God’s purpose even when and if we did not understand it. That we would be willing to risk our hearts for a greater purpose. We also knew that we were and are not just risking our hearts but also Anna Beth’s. For that reason, she has been involved in each step of this adoption. She has sat through each call during those 10 months of waiting for a decision, she has been a part of each meeting and she has been witness to the hard of the birth parent relationships. I cannot begin to tell you of the burden she has carried at such a tender age but she understood the purpose. At 10 and then 11 years, she had an understanding of the call God had on our family. I am so proud of the gentleness she has displayed with not only Adi’s heart but also the birth parents during those hard conversations. So today I want to acknowledge the burden my girl carries at such a young age. She is special and also at the same time a very typical tween.
There are days I stand in utter awe at the special girl God has entrusted to our care. Brian and I know the responsibility we have to daily point her to Jesus. We are also aware how often we have and will fail to do this well but even in this my girl is witness to God’s grace poured out on us. It is easy to see Jesus in the day to day if we are only looking. This is something I struggle to do each day. I am grateful of the reminder I see in my children. If you see my girl out and about, I’m going ask our little village to pray for strength as she carries her brother’s story. She has suffered well and we are so very proud of her. J
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