Ahhh, the grief has come in waves since my appointment with the surgeon this afternoon. What I believed was going to be a simple lumpectomy has turned into so much more. The MRI revealed another mass that is attached to the original one. It appears to be about 6 centimeters long and they believe it to be pre-cancerous however it must be treated the same. It must come out. This means a full mastectomy on the left side. I was not prepared for this mentally and it hit me hard. All I could picture is seeing myself in the mirror for the first time and what that moment would feel like.
Right now I cannot stop the tears but even in the middle of them, my God is here. The only thing I can do is search the Word for comfort and so I began to do a word search on grief in my Bible. It has taken me to Lamentations 3
starting in vs. 19 "I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness... vs 32 Though He brings grief, He will show compassion so great is His unfailing love."
I realize that these verses are being used in the context of the consequences of sin however right now they are a balm on my heart. I realize that grief is but a step in this process and there will be more tears in days to come. For now I am in this moment. This moment of being comforted by my Father. This moment of pain is not unnoticed by Him. He is here, loving me and my family as we cope with the path that is before us. I am falling before Him, knowing that my body is not my own. It is His to use and teach me and show me His glory.
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