Dear Momma of Littles-

I see you and I remember those hard days that never seem to end. Those days of teaching discipline and walking through what feels like the same day over and over. There is truth to the saying, “The days are long but the years are short.” There is nothing that I can say that will make you feel better about the hard of those days. The decisions of natural, organic, homeschooling…they all seem huge. I am an older parent caught between two worlds and I often feel painfully inadequate. God often reminds me that I do not have to be the perfect parent but I am the parent my children need. One is still little and the other has reached teen status. There are hard things about both those worlds but I want to remind you that you are working to raise adults. You are not exhausting yourself and giving your all each day to raise functional children…your end goal is functional adults. And to raise that bar, if you are a believer, your fight is so much more than that. You are in a battle, so make sure you are armed. Make sure that you have done the hard work of caring for you, your marriage, and your relationship with your heavenly Father.

My greatest fear for my oldest was not her learning to potty train, or holding my hand as we crossed the street. It was her being able to distinguish the truth of her faith from the false teaching. Being grounded in who she was as she walked into a large middle school where kids were trying to identify the difference between transgender, they/them vs. he and she, bisexual, transsexual, etc.. Supporting her as she found her place in middle school society and accepted that it is was ok not to be one of the cool kids. That she was unique and perfect just the way God created her and did not need to conform to be accepted. I prayed that she would reach out to me with her pain, her questions, her curiosity and that I would be ready with honest answers. It has been hard coaching her on working through conflict with teachers and peers. To know when it was time to step in as a parent and when it is wise to let her learn from her choices. As parents, we made the deliberate decision many years ago to let our kids fail…we wanted them to fail when we were still there to guide them through that challenge. We want them to leave us knowing how to fail, face it, and make wise choices going forward. We want to teach them to be prepared and have a plan of action for everything.

My girl and I recently had an incredibly difficult conversation. She texted us in the middle of the day sharing about a 17 year old that she knew was pregnant. She was judgmental, harsh, and lacked empathy. My immediate reaction was to be careful in response because I knew she would remember my reaction if she ever found herself in the same situation. I also wanted her to learn from this…that unless you have a plan and boundaries in place before you ever go on a date, you will fail morally EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.   We had deep heart talks about being compassionate, about knowing your plan for dating, about responding in love. It was beautifully hard. Each day I find deep meaning in my relationship with my middle schooler. She listens to everything I say, she stores it in her memory banks, she watches my reactions to her, she listens to the tone of my voice. EVERY single thing I say to her has significance. Every single thing she observes has significance. From mine and my husband’s relationship to our personal relationships with Jesus, has influence on her.  It either points her to Jesus or drives her to seek answers in this world that needs Jesus. The world wants her…they are trying desperately to reach her…we as parents have to be ready to teach truth. To not run from the hard conversations but lean into them.

Parenting does not get easier as they get older, it gets more complicated. It requires more thought, planning, and living out your faith in front of them. My dear friends that are parents of littles, you are just in training to be the parent your child needs as they age. As my children age, I see so much that I lack and it makes me run to the cross. Intentional parenting is so hard. It requires so much work but our goal is to raise Jesus lovers. We care not if they have successful careers, marry well, give us lots of grandchildren. If they are Jesus lovers, they will attract the right mate, they will be successful in the job God has for them, and they will be wonderful, intentional parents someday.

Parents of Littles…I am praying for you. I see your tired faces in the halls of church, the aisles of the stores, and at the endless activities. Don’t lose your focus in the daily grind that never seems to end. Before you know it, you will be facing a middle schooler, a high schooler, and a college student that needs your wisdom. Walk away from those dishes and invest in the relationship with your child when they are little. Become their closest relationship so that you can speak truth when they need it most. Find your tribe but chose carefully… pray for one another, allow the tribe to build relationships with your children so they can be a positive influence. The battle lines are hard to see sometimes but they are real and you are fighting for so much more than the daily grind of dishes, laundry, homework, etc. Don’t be judgmental of that other parent; just be the encouragement they need because someday you will need it to.