God Focused

Today I was told that the chemo would most likely send me into menopause. Grief consumed. It was as if the last part of what makes me a woman was being taken away. The choice to have another child...gone! Once the tears stopped and I sought my Bible, I realized that Satan was trying to steal my joy. And my joy is Jesus Christ, my focus! I poured myself into verses speaking on grief because I believe that God allows us grief but we cannot allow it to consume us and rule our hearts in fear.

'And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know maddness and folly; I perceived that this is also vexation of the spirit. For in much wisdom is much grief and he that increaseth sorrow."
Ecc 17:18

"For the Lord will not cast off forever but though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies."
Lam. 3:31-32

I then moved on in scripture to praise. Praise is required even in the hard times. Praise brings our focus back into perspective.

"Because thy loving kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. Thus will I bless thee while I live; I will lift up my hands in thine name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness: and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: when I remember thee on my bed and meditate on thee in the night watches. Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice. My soul followeth hard after thee; they right hand upholdeth me."
Ps 63:3-7

My last place to dwell was on the Proverbs 31 woman. I needed to be reminded of where a real woman's worth is placed. I want to reflect Christ and teach my child about honoring the head of our home. I want my husband to trust my heart and people to see Christ in my handiwork.

This process has been a roller coaster of emotions but I always have to come back and focus on Christ, who is my joy. In focusing on that joy, I see the abundance of what God has given to me and I do not deserve. I am a blessed child of the king and that King counts every sprout of new hair on my head. How amazing is it to know that your Father's love is so deep and vast that you cannot possibly fathom it!

I am not ashamed of my tears but am grateful that my heart leads me back to the cross and not down a path of bitterness and sorrow!