Birth Pains of Adoption

It has been 2 years since we started the process of adoption and it really is stacks of paperwork, phone calls, running over to this place for fingerprinting, running to the vet for shot records, running to get physicals, filling out questionnaires, saving money, etc.. BUT if you asked me what the hardest part of the adoption process is, I would say…waiting. Every other part of the process has a beginning and an end. Waiting is a painful journey that is filled with questioning God’s calling, filled with tears, filled with prayer and God stretching your faith.

We have had a few opportunities to pursue a child but none of them have ever really gotten off the ground until recently. A couple of months ago, we were contacted by our adoption agency about a little boy. I am going to admit it…I immediately fell in love with him. He was exactly what I had pictured God bringing into our family. It was complicated but not impossible. The little boy was being placed by another agency but had reached out to our agency as a partner, trying to find him the perfect family. He had some medical issues and the legal fees to adopt him rivaled that of an international adoption. But we felt God leading. We had his medical records reviewed by a doctor that specialized in adoptions and she told us of his serious issues. We contacted our local pediatrician that would be treating him so they could be prepared. We shared the news with Anna Beth, we started talking about decorating his room, Anna Beth daydreamed about reading him books, and we researched child care. Everything we were hearing back from the agency was very positive and we were the only family that wanted this little guy. The agency’s lawyer began drawing up paperwork to file the petition…

Then suddenly everything went wrong. Email after email, the situation grew more complicated and impossible. The costs grew greater and the chances of having him placed in our home started to grow dim. We finally received an email asking us to make a decision. It was painful…I have still not stopped grieving. Brian and I labored in prayer together and felt it was time to walk away. I felt like my heart was being ripped out. I laid in Brian’s arms and cried. I cried on the way to work and on the way home. We both had a complete peace about our decision but it still feels like I abandoned my child. I still look at his picture and pray that God will put someone in his path and that will teach him about the Lord. I pray for his protection. Though I never physically touched him, my life was changed.

Adoption is not a passing fancy. It is not something that just “seems like a good idea.” It grows in your heart and gets a death grip on you till you pursue it with abandon. It is a passion that God places in your family. This is not just about my desires, this is also about Brian’s and Anna Beth’s. My family is all in…Heart, head and sacrifice. Do you have any idea what it is like to tell a 9 year old girl that her dream of a specific sibling is gone? Her heart broke too.

God did not disappear and our trust in Him is not broken. Our faith in His calling is not shaken. We are going deeper with Him as we pray together as a family for our waiting child. When God does bring that child into our home, there will be no doubt he/she will be loved. There will be no doubt of our dedication to seeing him/her feel loved, accepted and taught about God’s purpose for his/her life. Adoption is a painful and beautiful plan that God created to protect His treasures. It is a perfect physical example of his Salvation plan for us. It is a process in which God has refined us and deepened our walk with Him. The birth pains of adoption are long and arduous but not impossible. Nothing is impossible if God is walking in it!