She is my heart walking outside my body. She is a miniature adult…seriously, you have no idea how many people have told me this. From teachers, to principals, to peeps on the street. She is not the child I expected her to be….she is better but Oh sooo complicated. Raising her has been the single hardest thing Brian and I have ever done in our entire lives.
From birth, this child has challenged and pushed the boundries of what I understood about kids. I used to be a Children’s minister. I had worked with kids for 20 years before I had her and I have never met another kid like her.
For years Brian and I, as well as the rest of the family showered her with toys. She HATES getting toys! The only thing that toys do for her is to satisfy her need to organize. We now buy her folders, desk organization tools, label maker, markers and notebooks instead.
Anna Beth does not have a typical imagination. She HATES princesses, and as a little one, would look at you dumb-founded if you tried to pretend a baby doll was real. If we tried to get her to name her stuffed animals or babies, all we would get is…”Doll…it is a doll!” She would rather be catching frogs and then googling facts on different types of them then having a tea party. Last Saturday, she was so excited because daddy sat down with her and helped her create a power point on the different phases of the moon. I.AM.SO.NOT.KIDDING! This was not required school work, she just wanted to do a report because it is fun. #facepalm
Friends…this one is hard and has become the source of many tears in the last couple of years. As I said before, Anna Beth does not PLAY, she ORGANIZES. She typically only talks to adults or kids younger than herself. The reason for this is, she always leads. Not because she feels the need to, but because she cannot stand for there to be no structure to playtime. This can often cause conflict. I have picked her up from aftercare and seen her at the front of the line, at the tire swing. Not actually swinging herself but organizing the play. She keeps time and tells others when to get on and off so that everyone can have a turn. It is her way of protecting the kids that get left out. I have driven up recently and seen her sitting in a chair with 6 smaller kids sitting on the ground around her. She was ‘teaching” them about how to help a tree grown healthy and strong.
Her peers just don’t know what to do with her. Being with her, is like being with another adult and they want to PLAY. AB’s goal is to protect all the ones getting left out or picked on. To make sure everyone is playing fair. Their goal is to play like typical kids. If you have ever sent your kiddo to a sleepover or play date at my house. They will be busy the entire time. I plan structured activities for the entire time. I am always there and involved in the play time. The reason? So Anna Beth and her friend can play on an equal level and not feel like she has to organize the play time.
Many conversations have taken place of late about who she is as a person. She notices when she does not get invited to birthday parties. When she gets left out of play groups. When girls tend to avoid her. In all of her LEADING, she is still incredibly sensitive and is devastated when she thinks she has offended someone. This is when parenting Anna Beth gets really hard. To explain to a 9 year old girl that God made her perfect, just the way she is. BUT with her personality, there are, at times, conflict with what the world expects from her. That right now, it will be hard for her to make friends. That she will get yelled at, pushed away and hurt. That sometimes, people’s perception of who she is, is different than the reality. For now, as her parents, we just encourage her to continue being who she is. To not allow the pain she experiences, change the way she responds to the world. We have to let her know, that right now, growing up for the next few years, will be incredibly tough. BUT someday, what others see as weaknesses, they will then see as her strengths.
As her parents, we fight for her to be understood with adults in authority over her. We are sooo grateful when we find the few that pay attention and GET her. They find ways to encourage her and play to her strengths. They come alongside us and helps us guide her in learning how to converse with her peers. We work to teach her how to love people just as they are rather than her forcing them to follow the rules. We help her to understand that the world is NOT fair and there will always be some that get left behind. That God has given her the gift of a sensitive heart to love them and reach out to them when others would not.
She is not perfect but she is oh sooo gentle and kind. She loves to please and don’t get me started on the pain of her drive for perfection! She once told me that she LOVES special needs kids. When asking her why she responded with, “Momma, they are so smart, just a different kind of smart.” Right now, her goal is to be a special needs teacher and personally, I think she would be fantastic at it. I am sure we will change careers several times before she actually gets to college. She is loyal to the point of being willing to get hurt to prove herself a person of her word. She hates to get others in trouble. She is passionate about life and there is always music playing in her head. (she gets that one from daddy) She loves to give hugs and never meets someone she does not like until they break her heart.
My girl is complicated and she has broken the mold as to what I THOUGHT a kid should be. She changed the way I thought parenting was to be done. I look into her face and I see the world differently. She has taught me much about actually looking at people’s hearts and their intent rather than my perception of them. God shook up my world when He entrusted her to us. I am not anxious to see where God will use her one day because I am content watching who she is now. She has turned me into a warrior when needed and a weeping mess when she is hurt. I love her so very much and am grateful to be her momma!
